I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Couch. On fire.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
