Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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