I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
