I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
