I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
