You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
