i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
