I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
