I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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