i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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