just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
