Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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