Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
