All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She said her name was "party"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
