1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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