so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
