I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
