question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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