Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
