I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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