My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
