I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
