i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
