It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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