get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
