My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
