Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
