have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
