At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
