Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
