OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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