update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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