Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
