Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
