careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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