worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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