guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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