The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
