Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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