This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i would punch a child for taco bell
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
