what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
