I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
