mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
