you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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