words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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