Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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