can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
