My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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