I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
