guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
