From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
