Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just got carded by a ten year old.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
