I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
