At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
