I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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